Category Archives: Journal

Last Day In Los Angeles

I spent the day sleeping and finally got up around 4.30pm.  Elia was looking at her laptop.  I gave her a couple of presents – one a angel necklace and the other The Work of Byron Katie. Elia has been practicing non-violent communication and The Work really is the next step. We did a session on non-violent communication and I realised that I had suppressed some emotions as someone had gone silent. The emotions came up and they were followed by other emotions. What I experienced was that I have a deep desire for honesty. I don’t mind if people don’t say what I want, but silence for me, leaves you in a position where you don’t know where you stand. What non-violent communication does is enables you to speak out what you feel, then the facilitator asks what are your needs and keeps listening reflectively until you are finished. So this process enables you to feel your feelings it also encourages finding the feeling in the body. As we store emotions in the body. It was a powerful process. Elia had a go and also released emotions. In her case she hadn’t been honest to me and we were able to be a mirror for each other, so it was a very effective session. The Work is about realising the truth and turning the negative feeling around so it leaves you in peace.

We then went out to a Thai restaurant and had a nice dinner before Elia drove me to the airport. I had a wonderful time nad had a lot of experiences in the US. I have learned a great deal.

At the airport I met Nikoli who was a Zoomba dancer. Both of us compared notes regarding the surprise of American’s when you are friendly. I experienced paranoia from women which really surprised me given that in Australia you would never be concerned about a woman. People have a great deal of fear we both concurred. We went further as it seems that people do their own thing, it is like survival mode, where they can’t cope with anything outside of their own life. Nikoli was very surprised and did try and joke with them and received some negative. We both experienced the homelessness in the States and found ourselves amazed at the size of it and how people walk passed. I even spoke to another Australian who experienced real issues walking passed. I found in my experience people had higher levels of fear than Australians and I saw Australia following that path if it keeps on absorbing the media. It is an imagined fear they are experiencing where they are believing that the world is not a safe place.

So talking with lively Nikoli was a breath of fresh air as he was just bubbling with enthusiasm for life. We were very similar, unafraid of people and engaging life fully. We both concurred we didn’t feel alone in our positivity. It was so good to meet him.

So I jumped on my flight and met with a lovely lady and her son Mark. They were going on tour in Queensland, then New Zealand and onto Fiji. They travel well together the mother said. Her son was a lovely guy very peaceful and kind. She had 5 children and her son Mark was the 4th. He had been successful in the construction area and really loved his work he said. He had property in Hawaii and Santa Monica. Mum was in charge though and I had to smile.

I played with the stewards and even gave a few a massage. They kindly gave me a bottle of bubbley and said that they appreciated my sense of humour and positivity. How nice I thought. I can celebrate with my family my arrival from LA and perhaps the beginning of something new.

I started watching a film called Argo which was a true story. What was interesting in the film was the beginning which depicted a corrupt Shah of Iran propped up by the US Government and the anger of the people against him which ushered in the Ayatollah khomeini. I reflected on the lack of values of the US Government allowed asylum for the Shah, who in the eyes of his people, was a criminal. Values in my view was the central issue and it is easy to see how events escalate and US citizens are put into harms way through national security interests. I didn’t get to finish watching the film but was impressed with the film. The tension in escaping the personal courage of the CIA operative who went against orders and brought them out. It is interesting to me as I spoke to a naval person yesterday on the bus and we spoke about following orders, I was saying you must question. In this film the CIA agent went against orders and took responsibility for the 6 US citizens in the Canadian Embassy and saved their lives. The plan changed as the US was going to rescue the hostages in the US Embassy and they felt it would be embarrassing in 6 US citizens were killed having posed as directors and crew on a film. How they were seen was more important than saving lives was a point clearly made. This highlighted the importance of questioning higher ranking officials and acting on what you know is right. The CIA officer would have regretted for the rest of his life condemning those people to a violent death, instead he risked his life to save them. That is the real spirit of humanity.

I am now in Brisbane and heading to Canberra. Looking forward to going home.

Travelling to Los Angeles and New Friend


My hosts Belle Anne and her husband Bob kindly took me down to the Broadway Pier in downtown San Diego.

The bus station didn’t appear to exist althought there was a lane that mini buses and larger buses could use to pick up passengers. My bus was due at 11.20. The bus line was Go-to-Bus. The ticket was only $20 which was cheap. I decided to do a quick run over to the USS Midway and have a quick look over the aircraft carrier, I estimated I had about 15 minutes. I had a free ticket.

I left my large bag at the Cafe and went on over there. I climbed the stairs and walked onto the middle deck. I have been on aircraft carriers before and always marvel at their size and the amount of equipment they can carry. I took a few photos but was mindful to make it fast, so no learning. Instead I got my camera and recorded my thoughts on peace as I walked through this aircraft carrier reflecting on alternatives to violence. For males they can get into the engineering and become impressed by the capacity of these ships but myself I am thinking and deeply reflecting on their use, the implications of these ships. Like fighter jets they can seem very Top Gun and exciting yet the end use of them is terrifying for those on the ground. The ‘other’ is seen as the enemy whereas in the mind of peace there is no enemy. This is a very hard concept to grasp in a world deeply conditioned to see the good guys and bad guys or our sie as winners the other as losers as proof of superiority. In the peaceful world of the future there is no superior or inferior we start to transcend the opposites and we see the human species and work on problem solving, how to move from conflict to peaceful resolution of conflict. There is no mistake that so many women find themselves in these fields as they deal with the emotional field of human experience. Women have skills in this area as they raise the next generation typically and have to teach children how to get along with others, how to navigate life. This is not to say there are not men out there also vitally interested in the emotional field but typically they are not exposed to the importance of it as many are left to navigate life based on false stereotypes of strength that are not true strength. The real strength does come from the philosophical understanding of ‘to thine own self be true’. I always remember walking around the University of Western Australia and becoming aware of the engraved writings in the walls saying ‘Know thyself’. I resonated with this. This is the next phase for humanity, we can continue on with endless war theorem or start to take responsibility for our thoughts, to break out of ignorance and start to examine what we believe and indeed, is it true?

To face the Self is the hardest test as we don’t want to appear wrong as we see this as somehow less. Yet in reality it is the true that sets you free from lies. I have had to face my own lies and still have to as whenever I see an enemy or find myself at war, I am indeed believing a thought that is not true. It is to step back and observe the mind to see that all of us are thinking similar thoughts, all of us are exposed to the media and believing common myths and we are not questioning those thoughts with detachment and a notion of peace and truth. The latter two are seen as idealism, yet in reality it is the very foundation of reality when you make a decision to live it.

So I found myself walking around this aircraft carrier reflecting on peace and speaking as I was walking. I feel a new narrative has to become visible as we emerge from the heroic archetype to the responsible one that is responsible for peace in the world. When I change my world changes.

I left the aircraft carrier and wound up back at the place where the bus was to come in. I stood around and this woman approached me. She was catching the same bus to Los Angeles. Turns out she is a naval person. Her interest is linguistics. We talked about the importance of understanding culture. I told her some of the fundamental flaws I had learned about in the US military was the low awareness of the other culture. They may do exercises in the terrain (saw the dummy places between LA and Los Angeles in the desert) to try and understand how to fight but the real war, in my view, is in the mind. I see a lack of understanding of culture gives rise to misinterpretation, understanding what respect is and so on. We are all speaking different languages and think the meaning is the same, yet it is not, we are living in diverse worlds. Some cultures use more words to describe feeling, protocol etc. others use less. Even in the same culture how many times do we misunderstand each other, now we have business languages and texting languages, truncating the real meaning. So for me, communication is one of the biggest issues actually hearing and reflecting back to others what they mean. You can imagine in military situations how fraught they are with misunderstanding. Both sides need intelligence and an intelligence officer told me they try to give information to each other as a means of better understanding so mistakes are not make, particularly in the case of MAD – Mutually Assured Distruction.

We waited about 30 minutes and finally our bus came in and the bus driver found us. It was just the two of us. We sat together on the bus and she shared with me her experience in the military. She had to learn to accept orders which was hard she said. She said some of the tasks were mundane like moving a rope from one side to the other, doing this without complaint or question. I find the lack of questions concerning as the military officer could be wrong, However, I understand that the military seek to create the one mind, where all are moving in the same direction as one fighting force. Yet if you think something is wrong how do you address this. I am also aware that the notion of not asking questions and simply obeying is to train the soldier to lose their sense of self and become a soldier. So it is psychologically breaking down the individual person to make them part of a greater group. She said she had had an experience where she was sprayed with capsicum spray in the eyes and she said it brought out the aggression in her as it was so painful. She had red marks on her skin. I wondered at the cruelty instilled through military training. Yet in the eyes of the military it would be toughening them up to be prepared to deal with their own pain in the face of the so-called enemy. They have to be able to function even when suffering. It is pretty harsh from a lay persons perspective.

We spoke of institutions of government and change. Could the military change given the defeats in Afghanistan and Iraq and the huge money spent ($15 trillion) in theatres of war (using military speak here) which did not reach their objectives. My feeling is that this way of creating security and peace is a dinosaur I believe it has a long history but it is no longer effective in modern times where other countries can make their own nuclear weapons e.g Iran, India, Pakistan, North Korea etc. and that these wars cannot be won by anyone, they affect the entire globe. The nuclear weapons as we saw in Hiroshima and Nagasaki wreak havoc and the loss of life and infrastructure, not to mention radiation affects, are long lasting. These bombs were only 15 kilotons roughly, the nuclear weapons that have been created today are 100 megatons and up. The splitting of the atom is one method which produces huge explosive power, the fushion of atoms to create the megaton bombs is unlimited in size. So the idea of one group fighting another has to dissolve as we can no longer protect the planet or the people on it. My main point is that the majority of fatalities in war are civilians, this is not the enemy. So there are real problems with this approach and there needs to be enlightened and honest discussions held at the highest military levels and a deep philosophical inquiry as to the reason for the military. As I told this naval person, I would love to see the military invovled with saving the planet, restoring the natural environment, believe me there is healing for soldiers in this activity. How Top Gun is replanting forests, yet this is what the people and planet need, it is the highest national security (food, water) and yet it is neglected in favour of war and justification for the military. Real service to nation states resides in creating a safe and peaceful world for the people, war is an absolute last resort not first strike. The environment is the most pressing issue of our time. Without it no-one survives and budgets evapourate. You would never know listening to the media. There were many veterans on the streets in San Diego with Post Traumatic Stress who were hungry and homeless, their psychological response to war is a lifetime of suffering. This has to be looked at. As we seek to harm others we harm ourselves is a universal law. I believe in working with the military and I hope there are some at the highest levels who get that this is not working and that they must change. I would suggest bringing in people that are fresh and have new ways of tackling violence at the international level. I would suggest training soldiers in conflict resolution, psychology etc. The New Earth army, which many would laugh at, would be my model. Look up New Earth Army and discover there was a special unit that actually trained soldiers in spirituality, remote viewing and healthy minds. George Clooney played a leading role in the film that was created and it certainly wasn’t meant to be a peaceful unit, it was to counter (cold war) the Russians psychological warfare programs. Visit to learn more. The commander of the unit Lieutenant Colonel Jim Channon discovered that the heart, mind and spirit had to be in alignment to bring peace and access to higher spiritual levels, indeed he accessed ancient knowledge that is the true power to bring peace. We all have to change if we want peace and it starts with questioning our thinking. Go to for more information.

So my time with this naval person was wonderful. We exchanged information and ideas peacefully. I saw a young woman seeking to find her way and she also had an interest in peace. She said she was sure there were many soldiers who are interested in peace. So perhaps I am not alone in this quest for a better world, one of higher understanding, one of intelligent communication where the notion of the enemy is the only casualty. I look forward to a time when the power of love overcomes the love of power and this will always be my mantra.

Every human being is equal and worthy of living a peaceful and happy life. It is the responsibility of each human to make it a reality and live the future they want to see. As Gandhi was quoted as saying ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’.

Last Day In San Diego

I started off the day reconnecting with an old friend I met in Russia when travelling with Patch Adams. He was a journalist working for CBS and I invited him out with the clowns at that time. We had a great conversation about nature, life, politics and the planet. There are so many great people out there doing their bit and wondering about what will be the outcome of life on earth. My feeling is that peace will come but not until we go through some upheaval, all real change comes from upheaval, that seems to be what gets our attention. Otherwise business as usual is our operating paradigm.

My dear friend Belle Anne gave me a lift to the San Diego Sailing Club where I met with Valerie who invited me. Great people in the Rotary Club, I particularly saw the shine in Denise’s eyes the Rotary President, a very special lady. They had a joke-a-thon and it was very funny listening to all the jokes. I spoke briefly about my work and enjoyed the lunch and ambience.

I interviewed Frank a former naval intelligence officer and Rotarian. I thought he would be great to speak to about peace through service and through his broad experience what his views were about peace. We came down to problem solving and neutrality when working out conflict or indeed wars. It was a great conversation, very clear and I felt we really touched on some core issues. We spent nearly an hour together. His wife came and took him to his appointment and I was dropped off near the coffee bean coffee shop. I set up my computer and waited for Valerie to come.

We had some lovely apple pie and I enjoyed the lively conversation with her. she is originally from London but lived in Los Angeles and had an interesting life. I learned she had been an air hostess and loved it. She was a free spirit yet did marry quite a few times. I could see she is an attractive lady and was interested to learn she had qualifications in the arts, in particularly clothing design. I could see she had style and we had a really nice connection.

She took me to the Quartet movie made by the BBC. I was interested to discover many in the film were former stars of the BBC Orchestra and Philamonic in London. They were great muscians. The film was set in a nursing home where these former musical stars were retired. They did little concerts and slowly you got to know the characters. It was about relationships and love. In the end the great stars reunited in a Quartet and sang with the most exquisite voices. It was lovely for me to hear classical as I am not into it but I appreciate the talent and skill in operatic voices. One of my friends has an operatic voice and worked as a secretary. She is a great talent in many ways and an outstanding person. Valerie and I loved the film and then went to an Italian restaurant. It was a lovely way to spend my last night. We discussed homelessness, trafficking in this part of the world, women’s issues, governance, and the importance of speaking up and being heard. Women and men do have different ways of seeing and feeling at I feel compassion must come to the table not as an emotional statement but as a human statement as we are a shared humanity. We feel life very deeply and tune into the emotional reality, a person starving on the street is virtually impossible to walk past. Both Valerie and I agreed on that and we didn’t wish to see that as normal. We would like to see the homeless sorted out. I certainly got the impression something can be done as they will put in red donation boxes to help the homeless. The Council here in San Diego has a larger burden as many homeless people turn up as it is too cold where they live with snow and they probably could die or become sick. So they come to San Diego as it is a warmer climate.

This morning I went through my clothes and have made a pile. I want to donate to the homeless and contribute as I realise it is a serious problem. Something like a 1,000 a night looking for shelter. I prefer to err on the side of compassion rather than tote the tales of homeless people making lots of money out of begging. That is not to say there are not organised situations happening, I did hear about homeless people being exploited by syndicates which is probably why the red donation boxes are coming out. However, the problem has to be faced and accommodation made available. In Australia much of the government housing stock has been sold so there is a housing shortage. Poeple are nervous to invite strangers into their homes even though they have spare rooms. I feel it is the size of cities that is the problem as people don’t know each other. Valerie said there are communities here so perhaps they can get together to help each other. If people get together research the issue, interview homeless people, get to the root of the problem, any problem can be solved.

Valerie had issues with the corrupton and greed and saw that as a significant problem. Apparently a former mayor here is being indicted on crimes of theft of around $1 billion which was gambled away. She apparently was an addict. We both shook our heads imagining 1 billion dollars.

We finished our dinner and Valerie had to go to work. She dropped me off home and we kissed on the cheeks and said goodbye. Another wonderful person coming into my life.

I deeply feel blessed. Well tomorrow I am off to Los Angeles and then back to Australia in no time.

It was a wonderful day.

Travelling to Encinitas, Holocaust Interview and New Friend


13 January 2013


I heard francheska speak at the Rotary Club of Point Loma about the Holocaust.  She said two magic words that attracted me ‘one’ and ‘love’. She was advising people to love each other and that we are one. When I heard this I knew I had to see her. At the club I told her I’d like to interview her. She gave me her number and I rang her a few days later.

I organised to catch the train up to Carlsbad north of San Diego to meet her.

On the day I walked down Canon Street in Point Loma and down to Rosecrans Street and then caught the 28. I sat on the bus and I noticed most of the passengers appeared Afro American. I reflected on class and discrimination. I spoke to the afro lady next to me to really connect. She and I had a lovely chat and then she got off. I watched another Afro American lady and imagined her life and I had this feeling ‘we miss out on her’, whenever we discriminate and make someone smaller or screen them out on the basis of culture, colour, gender etc. we lose. I wonder at the Gandhi’s, the Einsteins out there that are ignored because of the ignorance of others. When we really give people equality then they can dare to dream and actually go for something bigger than what others think. Everyone is great, Patch Adams said that, I agree deeply.

I got to Old town (old mexican area) and looked for the train to Carlsbad. I checked with a few people and bought a $5.50 ticket. I asked a Anglo American if this was the right train, she got a surprise. I happened to follow her onto the train and sat behind her. I am sure she moved feeling scared. I have had two experiences here where I’ve sought to say hello or made contact to find the women involved got scared. I am not scary it is a reflection of a culture thta fears strangers. I laughed actually, it would never happen in Australia. Australian’s are pretty friendly, I would not like to live in a culture where I don’t trust women. That is a sign things are getting out of hand.

Anyway I joyfully sat on the train and the ticket conductor came, he was cheery, checked my ticket and off he went. I enjoyed looking out the window at the landscape moving past. Eventually the train rain alongside the ocean. It was beautiful to watch. I find the matting in the windows distracting as it darkens the windows and makes it harder to see through. The train passed encinidas and I felt to get off intuitively but continued on. I noticed the Self Realisation Fellowship which was started by Paramahansa Yogananda. My friend Elia had taken me there to see the peace garden and I had hoped to return. So I saw the building as I passed by in the train.

I arrived at Carlsbad and went for a cup of coffee at the Village. I had a lovely coffee and returned calls to my new friend Valerie. I had missed her calls the day before so she was not free on Thursday to meet, she suggested Friday. I was going to go to Los Angeles on Friday but I ended up changing that plan.

I rang Francheska the Holocaust survivor. She indicated she was in Encinitas and I ended up deciding to catch a bus back there. I was happy as it lead me back to the Self Realisation Fellowship. So I stood at the bus stop and chatted with an elderly guy. He brought up the issue of immigration and I added that I feel we are one world and that certainly in Australia we have enough room. I feel we have to work as one world rather than nation states all competiting and feeling resentment against people. The reality is most people would not want to leave their country but economic or war issues are often the reason for flight from countries. I think we as a global community have to face the fact that war doesn’t work and causes environmental, social and economic damamge. We need to learn how to resolve conflict and work together in a global community. International law must be strengthened and global rules followed rather than money talking. We spoke of the drug issue in Central America and the demand in the United States. Again to look at why the demand, why do people demand drugs? what is missing? We found ourselves agreeing and both desiring a world that is cooperative. He was a lovely guy and we both jumped on the bus.

I travelled on the bus again along the oceanside, it was lovely. I saw a pod of dolphins and wished to see whales, one day maybe. There is a migration happening.

I arrived at Encinitas railway station. I waited a little while and saw a grey car pull into the carpark, intuitively I knew it was Francheska. She had her husband in the passenger street. She was wearing a striking yellow top. She is a very beautiful woman at 80 plus and was indeed a stunning younger woman, so sad to reflect on such a sad childhood in 4 concentration camps.

We went to her house a lovely home overlooking a national park. She new her neighbours and told me she had 3 boys, very handsome. Her husband was a good looking man and formerly a trank driver in the army. He was born in Cuba. He was suffering dementia, a little hard to tell at first until he repeated himself. He told me he met her at a party. She opened the door and he knew he would marry this beautiful woman. They have both travelled the world and had interesting lives.

We talked about my work and Francheska was keen to learn about my life, the peace work and how I survived. I told her of my spiritual feeling and she shared with me her thoughts and ideas. We spoke for quite a while and I felt such a warmth towards her. She was a signficiant person to me and I felt a genuine connection. I felt she did as well. We were both desirous of peace in this world. She had deep experiences of cruelty and pain and I had inspiration around connecting people to love each other and work on inner peace. We were on a similar path.

She at first indicated she didn’t want a film interview. I thought we had agreed to that. She is a private person. I couldn’t think of anyway to record her story as the Jewish media had recorded her story in print at Rotary. I couldn’t see how I could add to that. She is a very kind woman and was seeking to help me but didn’t want film. She agreed to talk about something. I didn’t mind if it was unrelated, my feeling was to let her express what she would like to. I gave control of the interview to her to speak about what she wanted.

In the end she agreed to talk and she spoke of her experience in the Holocaust. What she did for me and through me was extremely generous but her desire to do her duty to the next generation was strong.

I sat there and listened to her describing her time in the concentration camp and the women that protected her from the Nazi’s. How the Nazi asked her if she felt lucky (her last name meant lucky) she said she hoped so. She could go to the left (gas chamber) or the right (work camp). The latter meant survival but many died of diseases and hunger. They were starved, beaten, tormented and in constant fear of being shot. You just can’t imagine such a world. She went to Auschwitz and Bergen Belsen. She had seen it all as a 10 year old. At the end of the interview I mentioned the bullying in schools and the fact that the bully has no feeling for the person bullied. I asked her to give advice to children. Her message was to love each other. I can think of no more important message. She brought up the Palestinians and asked me to help them. I really loved that message in particular as in the past I had wondered why jews from the Holocaust didn’t say anything about the Palestinians given the prison camp they are living in. It is a reality, there is a huge wall around Palestine and gunships flying in as a war is still going on. My prayer is that they can come together and coexist. So I took that as a message to me.

So many avoid words like love but it is the way to peace, in fact it is peace. Peace is not political it is spiritual and it is our true nature. She told me at the end of the interview that an angel was looking after her. I could see that easily.

I gave her a hug and we returned to the kitchen. We talked for a while longer and then she offered to take me to the Self Realisation Fellowship centre. I wanted to walk in the peace garden. Her husband kindly let me sit in the front so we could continue talking. She was articulate, intelligent, compassionate and courageous. It caused her pain every time she spoke of the Holocaust but she continued to do it as there were people saying it didn’t exist. She showed me her stamped numbers on her arm identifying her as a jew in the prison camp.

We arrived at the peace garden. Her husband repeated himself many times with the same question and I saw the struggle she would have keeping on repeating herself and perhaps the lonliness she may have. She was strong and capable and he was in good hands. She parked and the three of us walked into this beautiful garden of ponds, flowers, ferns and fish. We walked a little way together and she then said she had to go get her husband. I am sure we would have walked a lot longer. I was grateful she came. We hugged again and I told her ‘I love you’, I so felt the bond. She said she would always remember me in the peace garden. Such a beautiful brave soul and such a lovely place for us to part.

I stood their no more than 5 minutes when a lady chatted to me quietly. She loved the gardens and I told her I was a peace clown and we ended up walking together. We decided to go to the bookshop and look for a coffee shop. We mosied around the bookshop and bought a few things and then she took me to her car and we drove to a coffee place. She told me about her family and her love of Carlsbad. She wanted to move back to this area, she currently lived 350 miles away. We had a fantastic chat and she drove me around a bit, we visited a bookshop and second hand clothes. She then dropped me off. We both felt a privilege to meet and she also felt inspired by our meeting.

I just marvel at the strangers that become friends so quickly. Nancy was a lovely person and shared her life with me over a few hours. I hope she will stay in touch.

I then caught the train back to San Deigo and bussed it to Point Loma and saw my lovely hosts Belle Anne and Bob. They sat with me for an hour with a nice glass of red as I recounted my day. Such great people. I feel so blessed and definitely watched over in this life.

Peace is already my world and I see no-one unacceptable. However, we do need to learn from history and shift the paradigm to a world where the power of love overcomes the love of power, this is true peace.

Community Building: Clowning Around San Diego

I met my new friend Kyle at the Maritime Museum. We got changed in the toilets (bathroom) of the restaurant nextdoor. I painted his face with blues, reds, whites and yellows. I put a nice colourful wig on him and he borrowed my indian clown suit. He looked great. I gave him some tips on clowning that we are not here to make people laugh but to be happy and share it. We are careful not to get people out of their comfort zones and to be in harmony with them. If we use the massager we make sure we have permission etc.

Diane a former clown gave more tips as she went to drop us off near the Convention Centre in downtown San Diego.

We waved at some people and said hello. I have to laugh at the lights this guy was standing with his bull dog and felt to say that my peace symbol was an upside devil symbol and gave it a name, he believed in Jesus Christ. I have no idea where he got that from but all I could say to him is that we are here to spread peace and love I understood it to be a nuclear disarmament symbol. Amazing some of the comments you get. Poor kyle got to hear this as a first introduction to clowning. He is a Christian, so it seemed funny a Christian saying this. He wasn’t that happy.

Anyway we moved on and were allowed into the Mardi gras. It turns out we were early but we said hello to the workers setting up. We taught a woman how to juggle. We saw some huge aliens on stilts, some belly dancers, pirates, pharaohs, rockers, dancers and all sorts. Kyle and I went for a cuppa at the pub. We were met with smiles from others. Often people ask for photos. I pulled out my fools tarot, basically I like to find out what sort of fool people are. It is really good. This guy pulled a card as a drunken fool and his mother and girlfriend laughed and said it was true. They liked the cards they got and it started some laughing which was nice.

My friend Kyle was great, he laughed with people, danced and dropped the doggy pool then got a tissue and picked it up, that brought a laugh. I recall one guy saying that people don’t listen and Kyle drifting off. He was actually a very funny clown.

We wound up getting some pizza. I saw a woman putting salt on her pizze and there were police there. I said to the policeman that the woman was assaulting her pizza, ha ha. Another guy I mentioned we had jumpers not sweaters. I should have said they were had to get on, can’t keep them down.

I was feeling tired clowning and not my usually bouncy self. I found the crowd was a bit thin. However, it was fine really. I love people and go with the flow.

I saw Kyle with a bunch of drummers and he was banging away at his peace tamborine and it looked great. He had courage and jumped in with people. I really felt him to be a natural.

I then asked if we could go out on the street. I actually felt better breaking out of the enclosure. We met people on the street, a lady trying to sell happy hour. Perhaps it should be every hour of the day. Funny how we equate alcohol to happy. Many on the street who are not that happy drinking.

We met a lovely African American guy who had a guitar and played for us. I tried to sing with him and dance. He liked me, me thinks, I gave him a hug and he wanted to get the pacifier out of the way (dummy). He was a nice guy.

We met another guy walking around, seemed like a retired academic. He had long grey hair and was interested in comedy. I thought he’d be good and lovely to see at his age living his dreams. I then saw a lady in a wheel chair and gave her $5. She looked cold and I tried to warm her up.

We also spoke to a lady on the street, the two of us sat down and she spoke of security intelligence agencies, much of which I didn’t understand but that she had been born on a military base secretly. She told us about identity theft of her identity. She even said that Steve Irwin (Ozzy) had sought a hit on her, I thought she meant amorous but she didn’t. She said a lot about the system and who knows which bits are true which are not. It is not my place to judge her just listen to her. I told her to write a book. After we left her we saw she had moved to another spot.

I thought about mental health and the vulnerability of homeless people. I was told by Kyle that there are around 30,000 homeless, apparently they come to san Diego because it is not as cold. You can imagine on the east coast where it is snowing, they would freeze to death. I had a debate with another guy earlier in the week, he was a clown but he felt they were using the system. He said some make a lot of money. I’ve heard this before and maybe it is so, but ultimately money does not solve the problem. It can give an excuse to people to ignore them and do nothing. I recalled yesterday when I was in Macchu Picchu in Peru that the Inca’s had no homeless people. So it can happen in societies when there is a will. I do feel all of us have to look at the problem. When you have people erecting tents on the sidewalk it is a problem. Are the slack or bludgers? Well the protestant work ethic which is drummed into us from childhood would lead you to believe they are losers. In my worldview and having not had a home for 2 years, it is not easy trying to focuson survival and finding a place to stay. Socially it can affect your friendships, family, if the person has substance abuse, poor communication, mental health issues, aggression etc. they will be more vulnerable. I met another guy a few days before that and he had black skin but it was peeling off and you could see white skin, he had a skin condition. He was trying to sell paintings to survive. He said his family didn’t pay him for work, so how many seek monetary help from family. If we look at ethnic, cultural differences it is clear that there are people in the United States who are seen differently. I saw more Afro American’s riding the buses (as they say). I saw many Mexican’s working in servant roles. When in England it was the Mediterranean’s that worked the taxi’s, the Pakistani’s in the newsagents and there was a homeless problem in the London Underground, I understand around a few thousand were homeless and seeking warmth there. In San Diego 30,000 is a big number and I sat today thinking – how do you solve that? I wondered at public investment in public housing. We have that problem in Australia where the government housing stock got sold off so they have a shortage. i thought about people allowing you to stay in their home. Most people won’t do that, they would eventually expect you to pay your way, philanthropic assistance as service for as long as needed would be rare, unless you have a spiritual dimension. We live in a world where there are powerful beliefs around paying your way, users pay, ownership, entitlement without a great deal of understanding of structural violence (racial inequality, gender, age, education) which erodes equality for all. These days people have to get an education, not everyone is scholastic, we have artists and drifters and a range of different types of people that must fit in the box. We live in a world of winners and losers and typically white privilege is an issue. My friend is studying as a counsellor and she was reading a paper on it. I heard it again from a peace studies student. It is essentially the advantage of being white (or what I term in truth pink bit of humour there). Anyway, I can relate to this idea and know travelling the world I was given special treatment as a white person from Australia. It was the perceived beliefs about white people and largely coming out of the American movie industry. Moreover, as a woman I am also given certain privileges I am not seen as a threat. If I am attractive then doors open more and if I had money, wide open. So yes we do discriminate we do it unconsciously and consciously. I must say I sat on the bus looking at an Afro American and looking at her and thinking about her talents, the fact she was riding the bus, her life and that it was my loss if the system didn’t see her as equal. I find it incredible that we look at skin complexion, racial background, handicap and so on and alter our behaviour. Yes I’ve done it but I am conscious now so I look at the conditioning and see it for what it is, untrue.

So going out on the street as a clown gives me the opportunity to tell an Afro American man that he is gorgeous, to encourage him to find what makes him happy, to let his talents shine and heal the past. He nearly cried when I said these words. Kyle said ‘words are powerful’ and he is right. I tried to show this guy that we can create our own pathway out of poverty. I know it is not easy but it is not impossible, as there is a tad of magic to this world as I know. I’ve been able to survive for 2 years now without a house or job, yet I work for peace full time. I am following my passion and just going with life as it takes me. I can understand the feeling of uncertainty plaguing your every step, I know what it feels like to feel alone, to have no money etc. but I also know the magic that comes when you dare to reach for your truth and to bring a smile to another, costs nothing. This guy said he was hungry so Kyle agreed to drop me at a shop to get him a burger. We came back and I gave it to him to help him see life is kind.

Kyle took me home and gave me a video ‘women of faith’. He told me earlier he had been part of this group, I joked with him wondering if he wore a dress, but he supported them which I thought was great. Kyle had drug issues in his past which makes him a good person to talk to on the street, he has been there. He prays for people and he said some like it some don’t want it. He is respectful of both. I guess some just feel that someone cares enough to ask. Kyle is a good person and goes to a local church. He wants to live the message of peace.

He took off the clown gear and we hugged and off he went. I was deeply grateful that he had the courage to give it a go and I was glad I got out in the public at least once here. I was tired but it is better than nothing.

Clowning is community building because we love unconditionally. It is not about helping others, it is about meeting others where they are. It is about showing them their greatness, not trying to be great through helping underprivileged. It is about seeing people and giving something for nothing, that inspires trust and peace. These to me are the tools to peace. It has to have no agenda, just for the sheer joy of meeting people. People never disappoint me as they are unique and interesting. I am never bored with them and realise people need to be heard. We are indeed equal whether you are in a business suit or daggy pants on the street. The challenge is for us to look further than the perceived image which is not who people are. The same applies for the rich guy, there are many beautiful people in disguise just seeking peace like you and I.


Sending love and peace to you. Everyone is gorgeous in their own way.