My mother died as I held her hand and watched her leave the earthly plane. She appeared tired to me and sad. She was released from her struggle.
She died 13 January 2023 at 10.44pm. She was at Carey Gardens Nursing Home run by Baptistcare. For her, she had been through a nightmare which ended this night.
She and I had a long journey together. My mother both challenged me and inspired me. I chose to focus on the ‘good’ not dwell on what hurt. The latter I transformed in myself as that is my responsibility not hers.
My mother was my best friend and teacher. She was the symbol of the strong feminine who was born to be who she is without fear or favour. This independent streak runs through our family. Both my parents were strong people. They both were independent. That is the Australian spirit.
It is in the struggle of life, met with love, that we develop inner strength. You earn it, it is not a given and not the same as power. The weakness is in fighting but through the challenges we all get to choose – Am I love or Fear?
I chose love and an intention for truth. In the end the love I felt was so strong that I would not leave her. There was no emptiness in me.
I pledged many years ago I wanted to be with her at her death. This higher power arranged it without a doubt. A gift was given to me and resolution was the gift freeing me to be myself and step in the direction of peace.
This poem was written early this morning 18 January 2023.
I feel my mother constantly with me. I have not felt loss. I felt no grief as there was nothing to resolve. I was there because I truly cared. It was not a duty of care. I came to comfort my mother as best I could. I found a song in mum’s things. It resonated for me. It is sung by Bette Midler (see below).
My mother Judy-Carew Friend Died to Live in Peace
Life is not a beginning or ending,
Life cannot be taken or given,
Life is the continuous breath breathing life into all things,
It is the life essence that is indissoluble,
As Heaven was always on Earth.
When I sat with you dying,
I would never leave your side,
For love is the sacred space that joins
and never separates,
To hold your hand,
Is to understand your plight,
As inner sight forgave all errors,
To realise God makes no mistakes,
And all leave this mortal coil,
To lift above the turmoil,
On time,
Beyond time
and Space.
You made a sound to announce your urgent departure,
You knew this was the time to go Home,
I came to ensure you were not alone,
As love filled the empty space,
I watched you relinquish this painful life,
Let go of the material as immaterial,
Calling you as ‘freedom’ beckons,
The trumpets were sounded,
As I witnessed your last breath,
I felt your heart stop,
I called ‘mum’ ‘mum’ ‘mum’,
And looked up,
As you looked down,
Freedom heralded you from earthly chains,
...I realised there was no death,
There was no separation,
There was no grief,
For how can I grieve freedom from fear?
How can I grieve freedom from pain?
How can I grieve freedom from tyranny?
How can I grieve loss?
When through you I was found,
Without a sound,
We both transitioned.
I petition the world to resolve all conflict,
All grief is all conflict unresolved,
As we project blame without responsibility.
I came to peace as I kept forgiving,
myself,
I kept loving myself,
I kept giving to myself,
As need from others is greed,
And giving is the seed of good-will,
Gods will re-members,
No-one can give me,
What I deny myself in fear.
Wisdom is the kernel,
That needs no army,
Truth is the arrow,
That leaves no mark,
Freedom is the essence,
That is boundless and free,
And there is no power in the universe,
that can reverse the spin,
For nature is in order,
And chaos does not exist,
Save our own confusion,
Believing control is order is folly,
When order is never in doubt,
Life unfolds exactly as a sacred geometry,
For the blueprint of this magnificent life,
Reconfigures,
Reassembles,
Reforms,
The self.
As strength is an equalateral triangle,
Equal on all sides,
As all ledgers balance in The End,
All inconsistencies find consistency in natural rhythm,
As song lines rebalance energy grids,
The sum of the parts is the whole,
Homeostasis returns to zero point,
And earth changes shake out the disruptions,
As higher octaves flood the earth plane,
For clarion calls cannot be muffled or silenced,
Natural justice arises in higher courts from higher lore’s,
Star chambers become hyperbolic oxygen chambers,
Oxygenating all wounds,
For what we send out to the world,
Returns to sender,
Karma rebalances,
Injustice discovers the justice in the peace,
For when you are not at peace you are at war,
When you are at war,
Life becomes us versus them,
And on this battlefield there are no winners,
As you cannot fight for peace,
When peace will not lift a finger to fight imbalance,
As the war is against yourself in denial of your true nature,
As enemies are the scapegoats when deception wears the Emperors clothes,
Do the clothes maketh the man?
This emperor has no clothes when all is seen.
Self deception was the real enemy in this Game of Thrones,
For there is no higher,
There is no lower,
There is only myself reflecting truth or untruth,
Clear seeing or confusion,
As truth is the straight arrow that sets you free,
It is to tell the truth to yourself,
The whole truth and nothing but the truth,
Then life becomes clear,
Delusions evaporate before the rising sun,
What was not visible is seen in the light of a sun God,
Tears flow to remove what was unhealed or blocked,
Toxins are purified,
Dis-ease is eased,
As we cleanse away the barnacles that hold freedom back,
For like the silk worm we emerge from the cocoon,
As the butterfly of freedom takes flight,
Gaining higher perspectives,
Life is no longer a tourniquet but infinite possibility,
As those bound are unbounded and released,
For this is the universe I encountered silently,
This very night,
As I release your kite.
I said to her as she left:
I love you mum forever. xxxxx
This is the song I felt inspired to include at her ‘celebration’