11 february 2013

Today got up around 9.30am as I was pretty tired after my long trip yesterday. I have felt disappointed in this trip as the peace education contacts and exchanges didn’t materialise nor even an interview. Even in the Rotary court I wasn’t able to even generate interest in having a Rotary Peace Scholar talk at a local club. I did get the chance to visit a club but my own work in peace has not been supported here, only marginally. I seem to always get moral support but it is so difficult to get real support. Anyway, my host here encouraged me to contact San Diego State University. I contacted the Chair in Leadership and Education and she encouraged me to contact the head of Teaching. He got back to me and said he had no time all week even though he liked what I was doing. He has subsequently circulated my material. I have contacted a local school Principal who attended the Rotary meeting and hopefully can teach at least one class before I leave. I decided to go for a long walk and ended up heading in the direction of Point Loma Naval base. On the way I stopped for a coffee. It was funny I tried to catch a young woman’s eye simply to comment on the weather. It is my way of creating community, I do it all the time wherever I go. She kept her eyes firmly down. I have noticed that here in San Diego and Los Angeles. It is bringing back memories of how I used to be when living in Sydney as a 20 year old. I became quite hard as a means of protecting myself and didn’t acknowledge people. However, having been a clown has changed all that and I feel no fear at all and just love chatting to people to create connection. I don’t talk too long but just enough so people feel warm and happy. Anyway, she missed her chance to make a friend. I met a couple of other people but they didn’t pursue a conversation. I actually don’t mind just observe mostly. I ended up walking and looking at the endless traffic. It was a nice day and I just headed for the water. That led me passed lots of nice houses. I saw a guy briefly who made a comment and I responded. I am not into ignoring anyone. I kept on and ended at a small beach watching people with their dogs. I was looking across San Diego at an island in front of me and the city behind. I thought of the marine biology place just up the road and beyond that a large naval base. There have been reports in the media about a person who has murdered at large. Turns out he is an ex Naval person and was seen around this part of San Diego. My understanding is that he had a vendetta against the Los angeles policeforce, he is a former policeman and blames them for firing him in 2008. He has held a grudge and apparently shot a LA policeman’s daughter and partner and killed another person. He attempted to steal a boat and my host speculated he probably was heading for Mexico. He was last seen in the mountains behind LA, his vehicle abandoned and the difficulty of finding him given the snow. The police and navy took precautions and brought in armed vehicles as he was considered very dangerous, he was trained by them. I did reflect on violence and how we train for it, when it goes against us it is bad when it works for the good of the country it is good. I find the culture of violence not adequate to deal with social problems. If he is holding a grudge, experiencing conflict, I would doubt he knows how to deal with his feelings nor does he understand that life is about going with the flow and that he can resolve conflict through communication of grievances. What I’ve learned in the peace area is that life is always unfolding, if we have negative feelings we have to deal with it and have to become aware of our denial which transforms into projection of negative images onto others. Clearly this man is holding these images in his mind and seeing the other as having to pay for his pain rather than exploring why he is in pain. It is a problem for many men as they are taught to suppress and defend themselves rather than explore and face themselves. So as I walked I reflected. I listened to some peace teachings as I myself cultivate the power of love within. I recognise that life doesn’t have to turn up the way I want re: peace education and contacts, but is unfolding as it should, my own sorrow is my issue as I am not accepting reality as it is showing up and in those moments not enjoying life right now. So my own training kicks in as I open myself to life and realign with gratitude, that is how I transform my own negative feelings into positivity and acceptance. I walked back from where the Naval Base entrance was and then met this same guy again. I invited him for coffee at the coffee shop. He said he had just been there. He told me he was a christian and had studied mass communications. He had a tragedy some years ago where his grandparents and cousin died in an accident. My heart went out to him as these grandparents were incredible he said. He must have felt deeply alone. He was only 25 and looking for direction in life. We both shared that. So I told him about the magic in my own life and being a World Peace Clown and how clowning is wonderful for peace. I new there was a Mardi Gras on in the city tomorrow and asked if he wanted to clown with me. He agreed and I loved his courage. It is new and not everyone has the courage to be a clown but he, like me, is into peace and love and so he will give it a try. I will take my spare clown suits. So with our conversation over, and leaving him with reflection on the type of clown he is – he called himself Chatterbox. We can come up with a patter for his character. Ironically I couldn’t get any clowns to come out with me. I realise they need an event. I did find one but perhaps the notice was too short. Not too worry should be great fun. Looking forward to clowning with my new friend. He made my day. I spoke to my hosts tonight about clowning and what it really does. How we seek to bring love and joy to people, we don’t fear anyone, we just go out to bring a positive, safe feeling to the streets. The idea is to show people there is no agenda just simply having fun. The wonder of it is meeting people you would never usually meet. I told my friends about Peace Pilgrim, she was a woman who brought her life into balance with the life patterns, she lived where need equals want and only wore the clothes on her back. She saw god as leading her to where she needed to go. She had no money and was technically a vagrant. She felt no fear whatsoever and commented on a situation where a little girl was chased into a barn by a man, she said what put the child in danger was the child’s fear. So she stood between the man and child sending unconditional love to him, he stared hard at her for a long time and left. She had absolutely no fear. This is what I perceive as an awakened state of mind and you can only reach it through love. Clowning is one of the ways to learn to love strangers without gender being involved or indeed an agenda, you do it for the pure love of people. It has made me the loving person I am today. I still have work to do on myself, not perfect yet, far from it, but I am working on inner peace and for me that creates outer peace. This is my work. Tomorrow will be an adventure, I’ve been hanging out to clown….