This is for those who are thinking about suicide. I say to you “don’t do it”.
Why? I wanted to end my life a hundred times because I felt powerless and devalued. I realised when I confronted what was paining me that I could empower myself.
For me I wrote poetry and I decided not to hate anyone. It is tempting to fall into real fear around the restrictions. To feel there is not future, what is the point. I speak to young people here. You are the REAL HOPES of the future. Please do not give in to negativity. It is coming from sadness inside you but that sorrow is not you, it is your thoughts that create the stress that create the fear and desire to finish. I do get it. You don’t want to suicide but you don’t know how to get out of this? yoru feel trapped? I so know this feeling.
What I did thousands of times, was I allowed myself to cry. I just let it out and feel the total despair of no power. I allowed my thoughts to express the negativity. I slept. I let go. There is nothing I need do. I remembered Byron Katie who I found when I was on the Peace and Conflict Studies course in Bangkok. I was looking for transformative peace and life sent me her.
She taught me there are no new thoughts. My situation is not unique. Millions will feel as I do. She said all stress and pain comes from our thoughts. That is good to know because than rather then try and change the world outside, you work on the inside, that is where you do have power. So the work is 5 questions and turnarounds, it is like inner meditation where you get to contemplate your most stressful painful thoughts and put them on paper and then the answers come up in the way of truth. You will laugh as you go through this process as you realise none of what you thought it true when you really question for truth. It takes you deep into your real self as from deep within you there is a light that will illuminate your path if you are open to the truth. You cannot do The Work unless you have decided you want the truth. Some people want to languish for years in pain and suffering as they don’t have to look at themselves, just blame others for their perceived failure. But when you are finished with the suffering Byron Katie is where you go.
You will save yourself through getting clarity around who you are and what is true in life. The only suffering is confusion and this comes from believing what you hear or read or see. The media is a catalyst for negativity as there are vested interest in keeping people feeling not enough, incomplete, not pretty, too fat, not intelligent, failures and so on. None of it is true. Everyone comes into this world perfect for what they have chosen to do on a higher level. You say – what “higher level?” This means you are a spiritual being having a physical experience and you can never end, even when you think you can. We all choose the life and times we move through and there is something to learn. Once you start to see the magic in life you realise that you are not without hope but about to step off the cliff of uncertainty into a life full of energy and wonder. We think we have to have material things as we were programmed to think we need money when nature gives it for free. We are told we must buy a house as land and property is controlled. Yet I have lived my 55 years without owning a house yet I have always had shelter. So it is reframing what you think is true and stepping off that cliff, like a fool, and see what happens. So the world is on that precipice now feeling great fear as there is nothing over that cliff. What if, like Indiana Jones, there is another step… check this out, this feels a good metaphor…
To leap from the Lions head (or through the Lionsgate) is how you prove (remember) your worth. Also know he is stepping out because of the love of his father. He realises he must take a leap of faith. His father says you must believe. We are all connected.
I did this when I became homeless. I decided not to ask but let life guide me to the next step. It was without doubt a leap of faith. I stayed positive believing, as I have to believe there is something I do not know the knowing of which changes everything. So sometimes you can’t control life but you can allow life to control you, this is when we begin the step into freedom. The freedom is you are in trust (allowance) not stress or fear (resistance). This is the turn-key.
You may have heard of the Holy Grail, what I learned through hardship was that this was not really a cup but generally transforming from negative (suicide, murder) to positive (new life, hope). In this excerpt from the film the scientist chooses the most ornate cup as greed guides her decision. They do not see the truth as they are not humble, for humility is a selfless which allows guidance to show The Way not self interest. Some search for the Holy Grail today or some Utopia where they can force the world into their shape (without permission). Yet in truth they are out of alignment with the natural order which always works (recalibrates) for the whole. Selfishness is blinded by greed and only sees one’s own interests. Humility is opened by love to see all as the one self. Only virtue can see and it must be genuine as you cannot fool life. Indiana drinks from a simple carpenters cup as he places himself in the shoes of Jeshua ben Joseph (as a archeologist) or popularly known as Jesus. Christ consciousness is not a religion it is about nobility of spirit and selfless love for all. This is why they say only love heals, it does as love joins with all. Selfishness arises from fear of not enough and separates, those who are in this belief system will see superior/inferior, entitled/unentitled, intelligent/stupid, genetically pure/impure – they will judge according to perceptions as they need to feel bigger and better as deep down they feel inadequate. Always we reflect the opposite to how we feel to compensate for what we can’t feel. The shadow can seem real, yet it just a shadow. People seek power to fill the gaps. We have all done it with money, partners, children, jobs and outer trappings believing this is the purpose of life. It is not. To know thyself is the beginning of the real life.
Dying to self means shedding the ego. Eckhart Tolle, an Oxford Scholar and who became another master in this life, was depressed and wanted to end his life. He said I cannot life with myself anymore, then suddenly he realised who is the I, I cannot live with? He realised 2 “I’s” not 1. This moment changed his life. He said he woke up the next morning illuminated. He sat on a park bench in ecstasy for 2 years as the little “I” (me) disappeared and he joined with the higher self, or consciousness. This was a spiritual suicide (ego dissolved). The identity of me and my unhappy story died.
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet